Grief and loss is a universal experience, but it remains commonly misunderstood. Grieving is a natural reaction that accompanies the loss or anticipated loss of a loved one. The grieving process hurts, but it can help people come to terms with a loss in a way that allows them to move forward in life. Below, we have answered common questions about grief types and what to expect.
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What is grief?
Grief is the emotional, cognitive, functional, behavioral, and spiritual response to a loss. In less technical terms, grief is what we think and feel on the inside and how we process our emotions after a loss. As we integrate our old life with our new life, we may face reminders of our loved ones and experience emotions that prevent us from being able to perform some or all of the tasks in our daily life.
The grief we experience immediately after a loss is known as “acute grief.” It is when we will feel the most intense emotions. These distressing, sad emotions that typically come in waves spread further apart as time passes, leading to what is known as “integrated grief,” which is when the reality and meaning of the loss integrate with our new life. Finally, we can engage once again in satisfying relationships and activities.
The process from acute to integrated grief may not be straightforward for everyone and can depend on whether your response to loss is “complicated” or “uncomplicated.” More on the types of grief are below.
What are the different types of grief?
Understanding the nature of grieving can help people become more supportive and empathic to those who need it. The circumstances of a loss have a significant impact on the grieving process. Each of these may trigger a different type of grief response.
What is the difference between complicated and uncomplicated grief?
These categories do not necessarily measure how painful the grief you experience is, but rather how long grief impacts your ability to function “normally” in your daily life. Uncomplicated grief tends to be tolerable and self-limited, while complicated grief is persistent, anxiety-provoking, and debilitating in the absence of treatment. People experiencing grief may consider working with a therapist that can help them process and navigate their feelings.
What impacts grief?
Deaths that are unexpected, stigmatized, or traumatic can complicate the grieving process. Other contributing factors to a person’s grieving process include personal characteristics such as a strained relationship with the deceased, a history of mental illness, feelings of guilt, or prolonged grief.
Types of grief include:
Traumatic Grief: When the loss is unexpected, stigmatized, or violent and can trigger trauma symptoms in conjunction with the grief and mourning process.
Anticipatory Grief: When someone faces a serious medical condition or life-threatening illness, and the emotions of sadness, fear, or loneliness start emerging before the end of life.
Disenfranchised Grief: When someone feels oppressed, discriminated against, or otherwise invalidated for their loss.
Collective Grief: Refers to shared, communal suffering experienced by many members of a community or society in response to events such as natural disasters, wars, terrorist attacks, or the death of a public figure.
Inhibited grief: This happens when someone focuses on other responsibilities rather than feelings related to the loss.
Delayed Grief: This may emerge from inhibited grief, but it can also occur when an experience triggers grief from a previous developmental stage or time in their life.
Is grief the same for everyone?
No, everyone grieves differently.
Everyone has a unique reaction to loss and may have different needs during the grieving process, which is entirely normal. Unfortunately, no quick fix exists to resolve grief, despite how painful it may be.
Grief does not have a set time frame. Grief can last weeks, months, or even years after losing a loved one. Holidays, major life events, or anniversaries may exacerbate feelings of hopelessness. Grieving may always be in the background for some; however, grief does tend to lessen in intensity over time.
Not everyone experiences distress and significant difficulty after a loss. Some individuals respond to loss with resilience or relief. However, the absence of pain does not mean that they care or love the deceased any less, that their grief is unfinished, or that they have a problem.
What’s the difference between grief and depression?
Grief and depression can sometimes look a lot alike. Grief and depression can coexist, and you may develop grief-related depression following prolonged grief. However, grief results from loss, and its intensity decreases over time. Grief is a complex experience in which positive emotions exist alongside negative ones. The intense, sad emotions that typically come in waves spread further apart as time passes. Naturally, these waves of emotions occur when we remember our loved ones.
Alternatively, depression involves a general sense of apathy, feelings of worthlessness, and lack of joy. Depression tends to be more persistent and pervasive than grief. It is characterized as having significant difficulty in experiencing self-validating and positive feelings.
Untreated depression after bereavement carries the extra burden of prolonging the pain and suffering associated with grief. Misattributing and normalizing bereavement symptoms can expose vulnerable grieving individuals to the burden of untreated depression and the stressful demands of coping with their recent loss.
What if I don’t feel like I’m experiencing the five stages of grief?
Everyone experiences grief differently. It is essential to understand that the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) are not universally experienced by all bereaved individuals. The five stages model helps us categorize and break down grief to normalize our response to loss. However, grief researchers and professionals recognize variations and fluidity in grief responses. That means you likely won’t progress through these stages sequentially. Instead, you may cycle through them several times, or you may not even experience some of them at all.
What is Grief Therapy?
Grief therapy has many benefits and can help you navigate one of the most challenging parts of your life. It can help you grow stronger even as you face devastating loss. While grief therapy can help anyone, it is vital for those experiencing complicated grief, traumatic grief, and grief that lasts more than a year with overwhelmingly intense symptoms interfering with daily activities. Grief therapy implements cognitive behavioral therapy, helping people process feelings of guilt, shame, and depression. It also can help prevent further strains on their current relationships. If trauma is involved, a therapist can help you work through the effects of trauma while you grieve. Ultimately, grief therapy can give you the space, time, and permission to grieve.
There is no right way to grieve. There is no wrong way to grieve. The hope is that when you experience grief, you can take some small comfort in knowing that however you feel is okay. Grief therapy can positively impact the physical, behavioral, emotional, mental, and spiritual symptoms of your grieving process. If you are seeking grief therapy in New York, contact us today and begin to thrive again.
More information and resources on grief and planning after a loss can be found here.
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